Spotted at the garden center this weekend: Army soldiers as yard statuary! These brave young men stand at a freakish 41 inches high–too large to be a miniature, but too small to be a grown man–about the size of a seven year-old, really. They are ready to defend your freedom or fill in that troublesome spot where nothing seems to grow. And they’re priced at an affordable three hundred bucks a pop. (Flag not included.)
Just think: you could stage your own troop withdrawals, right there in the back yard. Knit little socks for them at Christmastime. Award them medals for their bravery. In fact, what better way to support our troops than to turn them into adorable little lawn fetishes? It’s your patriotic duty, people. Besides, it’s about time those gnomes learned a little military discipline.
Coming soon: The Pentagon Five-Sided Birdfeeder and the Operation Enduring Freedom Lawn Sprinkler.