This just in from the San Francisco Chronicle’s Jon Carroll:
I did not issue any home loans to people who could obviously not
make their mortgage payments. I also didn’t deal in derivatives, which
I don’t really understand. It turns out that people who did deal in
derivatives didn’t understand them either, although they developed a
nice easy line of chatter to persuade rollers higher than myself to
enter the derivatives market.
But, you know, the back stairs need replacing, and I’d like to buy
some tulips. If you’re buying tulips, you really want to get a lot of
them because they look best when massed together. The people in Holland
know that. So I’d like a tulip bailout. I mean, it really wouldn’t even
be a bailout because I have given the government hundreds of thousands
of dollars over my long and generally productive life.
An entirely sensible plan. Read the whole thing here.