Bawdy Hymenoptera Limericks–We Have a Winner!


Ah, yes.  Everybody loves a good limerick about ant sex.  Or bee sex.  Or wasp sex.

Thanks to all of you who commented on Eric Grissell's guest rant about his new book, Bees, Wasps, and Ants. The lovely people at Timber have not only offered to give a book to the winner, they've also agreed to my challenge that they post of video of Timber staff reading the winning limerick.  All right, editorial staff!  All right, publicists! I'm waiting!

Meanwhile, here are some of our favorites from among the very fine entries we received.  If you haven't had a chance to sit around and read these aloud–really.  You owe it to yourselves.  And anyone else within earshot.

From Pat:

There once was a bee named Hymenoptera,
Who wanted to stage his own orgy-a.
He soon got his wish,
But just with one swish,
She ripped off his little what-call-ya.

From Jeane:

Son of immaculate conception
whose mother induces erection
but after they've mated
the boy is castrated
Beware the Wasp mom's affection!

From John:

There once was bee named McGuyver,
His love in the sky he did fly for.
She tore him apart,
he lost more than his heart,
but found sex with the queen was to die for!

From Robert:

There once was a wasp, an ant and a bee
Who conversed on their sexuality
While the bee and the ant
Went into a RANT
The wasp said, "I've done it to me!"

This one's from LisaB:

There was a Queen Bee named Kate
who decided it was time for a date
with lust in the air,
She hadn't a care,
but the same can't be said for her mate

And the winner, chosen by Eric?  It comes from Anne:

There once was a bee from Niagara
Who stuffed himself full of Viagra
His queen sought his sperm
And then gripped him quite firm
And soared off with his wee candelabra

Now, who here thinks that the lyrical Timber people should have to perform ALL of these on a video?  You know, as part of the Monday morning editorial meeting?  Just go around the table!  Or at a bar after work?  You people do go to bars, don't you?  Just be glad we're not asking you to wear bee suits.  Although…..


  1. I’ll go so far as to suggest that the Timber gang will never be able to show their faces in public again if they don’t perform these for us. Sure, they risk looking silly – we can only hope! – but I bet they’ll be showing off the video at some conference on smart book publicity today.

    Now to the contestants – thank you for the laughs!!

  2. I could not stop laughing. How clever, all of them. Even though I am from Niagara, and should root for the hometown, I liked LisaB.’s limerick. She deserves a book too.
    Bee suits, Bee Suits. BEE SUITS.

  3. oh these are great! The only ones not laughing are the drones (as they fall out of the sky, candelabra-less). I’m for the bee suits too! We want bee suits!

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