iGarden Because iHave iTunes

by Guest Blogger Heather Galindo of Greenspace

I don’t want to brag (yes I do) but I’m pretty sure I’ve stumbled upon The Answer™ to the epidemic of declining gardening. As usual, it’s all in the marketing.

Here’s the deal: I’m spending my first holiday season in Manhattan and it seems that everyone is mad for technology (whereas back in Texas, I would already be gathering recipes to make stuff for people… how retro!). The Apple Store on Fifth Avenue is positively thrumming with excitement over iMacs and iPods and iTrips and, up the street, the usually staid corner pharmacy has the HoMedics iCush prominently displayed in the window. Everything good in life is Plug-and-Play, right?

So, here’s my plan for making gardening cool and modern:

The iBulb, which comes, of course, with a feature-rich docking station, iSoil. Simply insert the iBulb into the iSoil, download some eWater, and the show will begin before you even have to download eWater again. It’s incredibly advanced technology, so much that the profound affect this product will have on your life after several weeks of use can’t be replicated though any other means.

The only problem with the iBulb is that eventually the batteries run out. Fortunately, they’re rechargeable! Just the occasional application of some iBulb Energy Granules and it will last for years and years. It will even get bigger and produce additional smaller iBulbs of the same type (thus making the iBulb a unique investment for the future). The only thing you may need to replace is the iSoil, because having the latest version will ensure superior iBulb operation.

And because customization is all the rage, you can choose among hundreds of different shapes and colors for your iBulb. As with everything, there are special edition iBulbs you can get that are more expensive, but they still use the same iSoil, eWater, and other accessories you use for your other iBulbs.

See? Don’t you think everyone will have iBulbs on their Christmas lists with a modern marketing frame around it? Don’t dried plums sound so much better than prunes? And at least for me, I started gardening because of bulbs. Who can resist the lure of “plant it once, never plant again!” when you love flowers more than you love being dirty and sweaty? Of course, eventually you figure out that it’s fun to be covered in iSoil and your kitchen window just isn’t big enough for the all the iBulbs you like (oh, and there are tubers and corms and rhizomes, too!), so you have to take it outside. And what happens when you start playing in the outside iSoil with your iBulbs? You’re gardening.

Comments

[Kathy Jentz]

Heather - I think you're on to something. How can we bring gardening tech into the space age? There are soil-less or hydroponics options - something clean for the germophobes. And bulbs are pretty cool in that they come in their own self-contained packaging. Hmm, maybe a funky redesign of those frimpy hyacinth bulb forcing jars?

[Colleen]

You're right Heather--it's all in the marketing. Think we can get U2 to do a gardening commercial? :-) Bono in garden clogs---now that would be interesting!

[Philip Voice]

It won't be many more years before all of our plants will have a wireless implant that connects to our internet connection.

Perhaps with a tiny embedded server that monitors temperature, water and nutrition.

We could play them different music based on their own needs and read their data to determine harvest or pruning times!

Is it far fetched?

[Zee]

Hi I have spent lot's of time and a fair amount of money putting in a draught tolerant garden with retaining wall in my front yard. Now that it is one of the loveliest spots in the neighborhood the local drug dealers have decided it's a great place to hang out and do business. I need some recommendations regarding the stinkiest fertilizer I might get my hands on to spread on top of my wall to keep them from sitting on it and killing the plants below.