Substitutes

My view of humanity is not terribly lofty, maybe because I've spent so much of the last fifteen years staring downwards at the juncture of shovel and soil.  But I'm convinced we're mostly animal and driven by instinct to do a few essential things, like eat well, have sex, chatter, and garden. 

Unable to do any one of these, my theory of human nature continues, we get slightly tweaked and seek out alternatives that are generally unsatisfying and sometimes full-blown self-destructive.

The problem is, if you're like me and believe gardening is entirely necessary to the proper functioning of both mind and body, how do you replace it in a climate where from December through most of April gardening is impossible?

1. Bitterness and craziness is one alternative.  I do enjoy some of this in winter.  I spend a certain amount of time walking around and fuming about the unfairness of life and the futility of all effort, before recalling that nobody in my immediate family is sick, my children are sweet, my husband's still good for a few laughs, and there's always shopping for antique light fixtures on eBay.

2.  Hibernation.  A really appealing alternative that doesn't work for me, since there is always somebody in my house yelling for a sandwich or wanting to know where their socks are.  Life has not allowed me a nap since I was four.  I think I'm okay with that.

3.  Chickens. I loved having them in the backyard because shoveling out their coop was the only January activity that felt actually gardening-like.  I got rid of them because of a problematic neighbor, who then divorced, sold his house, and disappeared into the sands of history.  Must get that chicken operation going again.

4.  Winter sports.  The New York Times recently ran the ultimate "just do it" piece that argued there is simply no reason not to get out and move, even in the coldest weather.  I'm not a skier, though I can see that that's coming, since my older kids are avid downhillers.  But in middle age I have become a wildly enthusiastic ice skater.  I have no idea what I'm doing--hated skating as a kid and never learned--so I can't stop, can't skate backwards, can't always avoid crashing when there's a child down in front of me.  But I can go happily forwards and around a rink for hours at a time, and since I apparently have the depth of mind of a goldfish, that's exhilarating.

5.  Dreaming about moving to Portland, Oregon.  I've never been there, but it looms large in my imagination, as a kind of year-round gardening Valhalla.  The problem is, I love my part of upstate New York, which manages to combine tons of culture with tremendous natural beauty, wonderful people, and cheap but charming real estate. 

6.  Getting out of the house.  The New York Times also ran a piece last week about a winter-blues-fighting program at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden.  The psychotherapist who leads it does NOT instantly bring the legions of Northeastern depressives into the greenhouses--which seems like the obvious choice to me--but instead forces them to stay outside and notice things in the open air, on the theory that lack of sun contributes to foul winter moods.

Still, all this stuff is plastic spoons and naugahyde, barely enough to keep a person on the straight and narrow.  It really is a wonder more of us cold-climate gardeners don't commit crimes or bundle subprime mortgages or get large tattoos. 

I hate being a gardener in winter.  But it's better than not being a gardener at all, because most of those poor souls suffer from the winter blues all year long.

Comments

[Emmakw]

I hear ya reb the chickens! I find myself spending way too long filling the bird feeders, so long that the birds that fled at the sight of me stomping thru the snow start approaching, nagging me to hurry up ( at least it sounds like that!). i fuss with the thistle feeder, wipe the bird bath, and even talk back! I know pretty soon Mother will call from England to inform me with fiendish delight that her crocus are out, and daffodils are nearly blooming. I respond by buying all the gardening mags at the supermarket, chocolate, and spend the weekend miserable on the couch!

[Kathy]

I thought you got rid of the chickens because they were turning cannibals.

[Rosengeranium (Indoor Gardener)]

Ever considered indoor gardening? Hint, hint... :-)

[Michele Owens]

Kathy, that too--but they were only attacking each other because they were confined in a chicken yard that bored them. Free chickens, in my experience, are happy chickens. Unfortunately, they would tear up my garden when I let them just range.

However, these problems would be solvable with some rearrangement and new fencing. It was the crazy neighbor threatening us that really did it.

[susan harris]

I'm an unskilled ice skater, too, especially when circling the rink at the National Sculpture Garden on the Mall. Really magical place, and they play great music, too.

But here's something to explore on this subject: the new book "The Geography of Bliss" declares that the happiest people in the world are in Iceland and Denmark and similarly dark and frozen places. Why? One reason the author offered in an interview is that they binge drink on the weekends. (Huh?) Another reason, esp in Iceland, is the strong sense of community that comes from all being related to each other.
So now we have the answers: binge-drinking and incest.

Seriously, I'm dying to read the book and make SOME sense of it because it's so counter-intuitive.

[Michele Owens]

Wow, Rosengeranium, just checked out your site! Cool! Crazy! Growing vegetables indoors! That might make me feel better.

Susan, I will skate with you anytime, anywhere.

[commonweeder]

I confess I never cleaned out the hen house in January! Our theory is they need the heat from their manure to keep warm. As for skiing, it never appealed, and with my new hip I'm afraid of falling while on ice skates, but with the new high tech snowshoes that are available I'm starting to think about snowshoeing through my woods. However, I have to say that my favorite way of getting through the winter is by sitting in front of my big south windows (I uderstand the sun keeps away the blues) AND the woodstove with a good book. Preferably one with big color pictures of gardens, or mysteries with a garden in them, or by a writer who once tended an aloe plant.

[El]

Two things keep me sane in winter: a greenhouse and cross-country skis!

[Susan Hagen]

I pace, press my nose to the window, order too many plants with instructions to hold delivery until May. I usually forget that I have done so and start coming home at night to find them on my front porch like foundlings.

I don't garden indoors because I have six cats who either dig in the pots and make a huge mess or eat the plants and throw them up.

[Lisa at Greenbow]

It sounds like you have the January blahs. You need to get into those skates and go round and round some more. :) Oh yes, and chocolate was a good idea.

[Heather]

Ha! Another skater! I've taken that up this winter, too, though less as a replacement for gardening and more because I'm sick of the Houston heat. Where's the coldest place in town to get a workout? Yeah, the rink.

[Shirley Bovshow]

Thanks for giving me a taste of your world! I'm in California so I can't quite relate..but it may make you feel good to know that it has been raining for 5 straight days!

[chuck b.]

You could totally become a boss ice skater. Did you know all the actors in Blades of Glory had to learn to ice skate just for the movie? --except Will Arnett who, being Canadian, was actually birthed from his mother while she was ice skating. It's all there in DVD special features.

Portland is a lovely town with many fine drinking establishments, but I do believe it freezes from Nov-Feb..? Not a mid-Atlantic, upper-midwest, down east kind of freeze, but freezing nonetheless. And you'd have to re-think your summer vegetables for less heat.

[Michelle Derviss]

I live in California,
Guess I don't have to say anymore.
It's a tough place to garden, but somebody has to do it.
We had a break in the cold rain yesterday and it was the perfect time to get out there and cut back the Salvia leucantha and Ornamental grasses.

Sometimes I think it would be nice not to be able to do winter time chores.
Then I think of living back in New England and the thought melts away - quickly.

[chuck b.]

By the way, I'm still drinking my first cup of coffee and I'm rather dull in general--but should we know what this painting is?

[chuck b.]

By the way, I'm still drinking my first cup of coffee and I'm rather dull in general--but should we know what this painting is?

No, I got it...it's an ice skater. And it's clickable.

Got it. Got it.

[sandra]

The winter work and endless grey skies nearly finished me and I was crying with the need to get my hands in earth, I went back to pottery. So I spend the winter making containers for gallon pot plants, hanging containers, vases with flowers on them, and even a wateringcan shaped teapot with cream jug decorated with worms (on the outside), and mugs sprigged with flowers. It sure beats the winter blahs and as I have to walk to the studio I get exercise too.

[Belle]

I started taking a karate class. They are free at our local rec center. At least it gives me something to look forward to a few days a week.

[Marte]

I do not have time to get the blahs in winter. I work in winter so I can take the summer off for gardening and fishing. But tomorrow morning I am going to the US figure skating championship! And I can skate backwards also; there wasn't much to do growing up in the winter on the great plains. We did a lot of skating.

[Amy Stewart]

Like other Californians, I confess to being ready for a break come winter. It's 40-something outside and not quite raining, so I could go whack away at something or even put some plants in the ground, but I don't. Maybe I should, just for you.

[Lisa Albert]

As someone who lives in Portland, Oregon (or more correctly, the 'burbs), I can tell you that it is gardening Valhalla - with caveats.

As Chuck B wrote, growing heat-loving veggies is a challenge because of our cool summer evenings. They are some gardeners so dedicated (obsessed?) and competitive about it, that at times tomato growing becomes akin to an Olympic sport. Did I mention that summer doesn't really start until July 5th?

We don't freeze from Nov to February, as Chuck B wrote. Average winter temps are in the 40's. We do get a spell of clear, cold - at or below freezing - weather, usually in February that lasts for a week or two. This year the cold spell came early. My waterfall is dripping with icicles (lovely!) and my containerized water garden has close to 2" of ice on top. But this is coming to an end; the gray, rainy days are about to return.

The rain is both a boon and a bane. Our winter rains are why Oregon is such a green heaven but it also poses challenges to winter gardening. If your soil is like mine - heavy clay soil that doesn't drain well - the last thing you should do is get out there and work in it. I've learned the hard way that working sopping-wet clay undoes all my efforts to improve it, making it behave like concrete when I was going for lovely, friable soil.

But it's not all doom and gloom. Our temperate USDA Zone 8 climate means that we can grow many, many plants that you Northerners can only drool over in catalogs. For this, I will gladly put up with all the gray, rainy days we get. And when it gets too depressing, I can head to our many wonderful drinking establishments (Chuck B, are you speaking from experience?). Or even better, I will head downtown to spend hours in Powell's, our city-block-sized bookstore. No trip to Portland is complete without a trip to Powell's!

[Karen]

This year I took up cross-country skiing, and it's making a world of difference. I've found local groomed trails through golf courses, hilly parkland, along the river, and best of all, at the Arboretum. Does much more for my nature yen than circling round the skating rink. I don't know what I'll do in the low-snow years though.

[Jenny]

I also dream about moving to Portland, actually--that's part two of our long-term plan and happening (we hope) in a year and a half.

Otherwise, I've been drawing up very detailed plans for planting and drawings of my garden. And playing World of Warcraft. I really like the chickens idea, though...too bad the mayor won't allow it.

[germi]

It has been raining in Los Angeles for a whole week! How will I ever survive this?

When I can't garden, I knit using colors I want to try in a garden. I must confess to never finishing these... things - but maybe that isn't the point. Maybe one day I'll stitch the unfinished ...things... together and make a blanket. But realistically speaking, I probably won't - the sun will come out and I'll wander outside to play in the garden.

[Pam/Digging]

Jeez, maybe we should have planned our Spring Fling (http://gardenbloggers.wordpress.com/) in February rather than April to get all the Yankee gardener bloggers to come. ;-) As it is, however, I'm thrilled that we'll be meeting two of the Ranters, Susan and Elizabeth.