Re: Anne Raver’s story on houseplants in the Times:
10. Hardy, reliable houseplants are BOR-ING horticultural cliches.
9. Interesting, unusual, different houseplants are far too demanding and impossible to keep alive.
8. As a gardener, I am generally opposed to putting a plant in a pot. Plants grow on the earth. In the planet itself. It’s a simple concept, and it’s worked for a few billion years. Why change now?
7. I am not about to institute an aphid control program in my living room.
6. Houseplants require dusting, washing off, and other maintenance that would not be necessary if they would just go outside where they belong. I can’t be bothered to dust a lampshade, so why would I dust a philodendron?
5. There’s no good place to put a plant. They don’t fit on windowsills. They muddy carpets and coffee tables. I refuse to buy them plant stands.
4. A houseplant that doesn’t grow is depressing. It suggests a sad, limited life, and brings on mild cases of melancholy.
3. A houseplant that grows too much is frightening. An aggressive ivy plant can pull down a curtain rod if you don’t watch out.
2. There’s no such thing as a drought-tolerant houseplant. They all have to be fed and coddled, like pets or babies, which I also can’t bring myself to care for.
1. And the number one reason I hate houseplants? Macrame hanging baskets. They’re coming back, god help us.