How I envy the parents of small children. No, it’s not because they get to experience the greatest love of all, or the joy of seeing the world through a youngster’s curious eyes, or the cozy satisfaction of knowing that the family line will be unbroken.
It’s the butt wipes.
I mean, how awesome would it be to always have a plastic box of oily little wipes in a bag on your shoulder? Just think of the messes you could clean up. The grime you could remove. The clean, shiny surfaces you would create.
If only there were butt wipes for my plants! Yes, that’s what I need! My plants, who are like children in so many ways, except that I don’t let them in the house, I don’t give them anything to drink or eat all summer, and I cut their heads off in the fall–except for that, I really do love them so much that I find myself wishing that I could wipe their butts as if they were the children I never had.
And look! Now I can! These people are mind-readers! How did they know?
Botani Wipes. My life is complete.