UPDATE: WE HAVE A WINNER!
Wow, y’all made this so hard! I’m a sucker for poetry, so in the end I put all the poetry, including Michelle Derviss’ lovely Shakespeare, in a hat and drew a name. Oh, and as if runners-up count, I also included Kat’s "previous and recently ex-husband" entry, for the "Sorry Hon, Country Life Ain’t For Me" line.
And our winner, selected at random from these witty entries? DONNA, who is keeping hope alive! Donna, send me your shipping address and choice of hose color to amy at amy stewart dot com and the folks at Dramm will send you a hose.
Thanks for playing, everybody! You’re brilliant!
I walked past a display very much like this at the Garden Writers Association conference and was struck dumb at the sight of all these tangerine-colored garden tools. It’s my favorite color, next to green, perhaps, but we all know what can go wrong when your garden tools are green.
So I stood and gaped and tried to look both needy and important / influential until somebody offered to give me a hose.
Why, thank you. Orange, if it’s not too much trouble.
Now, we all know how miserable a cheap, weak-spirited hose can be. You’re forever unkinking it and pandering to it, which makes what should be a pleasant chore a miserable one. But these bad boys are extra thick, easy to coil, and not nearly as kinky as the ordinary hose.
I’m not saying they don’t kink–it can be done and I managed to do it once or twice during my first trial run–but when I tried to pinch the hose off so I could attach a sprayer without walking across the yard and turning off the water, I couldn’t actually cut the water supply off completely.
However, if you don’t uncoil it, and just try to drag it across the yard from its out-of-the-package coiled position, it will kink a bit. But I took just a second to unwrap it and then it didn’t kink again, which is more than I can say for my el-cheapo hose, which kinks every time it is asked to meander around a corner.
And those colors? Brilliant! I did realize, however, that my beloved tangerine tends to read as "safety orange" in the garden, not "cool, retro, hip orange," meaning that my groovy orange hose looks more like one of those heavy-duty extension cords than a fashion accessory. Maybe I should have gone for blue.
Anyway. Now it’s your turn to decide what color you want! That’s right, the nice folks at Dramm have offered to send a hose to the GardenRant reader who comes up with the most clever tale about why they absolutely MUST have a very sturdy and colorful garden hose. Make us laugh, make us cry, make us glad to be alive and only one day away from the most important election of our lives. (ooops, where did that come from?) Anyway. Your very own colorful Dramm hose is just out there, waiting for you to step up and do what it takes to claim it as your own.
Get going. Winner announced tonight, because I am going to be insane tomorrow and hung over Wednesday. So hurry up!
It’s a $70 hose, baby. Oh, and if you don’t win: I think you’ll be able to click on the link below and get 10% off. When you click through, you should see a message at the top of the screen that says, "Your 10% Discount Has Been Activated" or some such thing. Then do a search for "colorful hose" and it will come right up. And if this doesn’t work, let me know in the comments and check back later.