A Dramm Fine Hose




Wow, y’all made this so hard!  I’m a sucker for poetry, so in the end I put all the poetry, including Michelle Derviss’ lovely Shakespeare, in a hat and drew a name. Oh, and as if runners-up count, I also included Kat’s "previous and recently ex-husband" entry, for the "Sorry Hon, Country Life Ain’t For Me" line. 

And our winner, selected at random from these witty entries?  DONNA, who is keeping hope alive!  Donna, send me your shipping address and choice of hose color to amy at amy stewart dot com and the folks at Dramm will send you a hose.

Thanks for playing, everybody!  You’re brilliant!

I walked past a display very much like this at the Garden Writers Association conference and was struck dumb at the sight of all these tangerine-colored garden tools.  It’s my favorite color, next to green, perhaps, but we all know what can go wrong when your garden tools are green.

So I stood and gaped and tried to look both needy and important / influential until somebody offered to give me a hose.

Why, thank you. Orange, if it’s not too much trouble.

Now, we all know how miserable a cheap, weak-spirited hose can be.  You’re forever unkinking it and pandering to it, which makes what should be a pleasant chore a miserable one. But these bad boys are extra thick, easy to coil, and not nearly as kinky as the ordinary hose. 

I’m not saying they don’t kink–it can be done and I managed to do it once or twice during my first trial run–but when I tried to pinch the hose off so I could attach a sprayer without walking across the yard and turning off the water, I couldn’t actually cut the water supply off completely.

However, if you don’t uncoil it, and just try to drag it across the yard from its out-of-the-package coiled position, it will kink a bit.  But I took just a second to unwrap it and then it didn’t kink again, which is more than I can say for my el-cheapo hose, which kinks every time it is asked to meander around a corner.

And those colors?  Brilliant!  I did realize, however, that my beloved tangerine tends to read as "safety orange" in the garden, not "cool, retro, hip orange," meaning that my groovy orange hose looks more like one of those heavy-duty extension cords than a fashion accessory.  Maybe I should have gone for blue.

Anyway.  Now it’s your turn to decide what color you want!  That’s right, the nice folks at Dramm have offered to send a hose to the GardenRant reader who comes up with the most clever tale about why they absolutely MUST have a very sturdy and colorful garden hose.  Make us laugh, make us cry, make us glad to be alive and only one day away from the most important election of our lives.  (ooops, where did that come from?)  Anyway.  Your very own colorful Dramm hose is just out there, waiting for you to step up and do what it takes to claim it as your own.

Get going.  Winner announced tonight, because I am going to be insane tomorrow and hung over Wednesday.  So hurry up!

It’s a $70 hose, baby.  Oh, and if you don’t win:  I think you’ll be able to click on the link below and get 10% off. When you click through, you should see a message at the top of the screen that says, "Your 10% Discount Has Been Activated" or some such thing. Then do a search for "colorful hose" and it will come right up.  And if this doesn’t work, let me know in the comments and check back later.

Take 10% off orders of $50 or more at Gardener’s Supply Company!


  1. Hose talk! I would pay over a hundred dollars for a hose decades tough, lightweight, and won’t kink. A hose that will stay EXACTLY where I lay it.

    The hose must be cobalt blue. Spode blue/white china plates are on the exterior walls of my house, above every window.

    The bottle tree in my potager is exclusive with cobalt blue bottles.

    All of the wood in my landscape is a faded Monet green. All of the iron in my landscape is robbins egg blue.

    Color is a big deal. Very.

    Unfortunately, I bought incredible hoses 3 years ago and would feel eco-unfriendly accepting a fabulous blue hose.

    Now, I won’t be able to look at my hoses without a slight pout, a blue pout!

  2. When it comes to hoses, bigger is better or more precisely longer is better. Have I told you how far the water is from my cozy cabin under construction? Not close at all. It is a fer piece and a long walk up the hill to fetch water. I have a bucket I use to tote water to thirsty transplants, all the while hoping it will rain in an ongoing drought.

    I had to scrounge up all the old hose bits and pieces I could find. Strung together and pulled tight, they still don’t reach the cozy cabin. Now they have sprung several leaks and while I have drained them for the winter, laying out there in the cold can’t be good. Come next spring I may be hoseless and will need more buckets, that don’t have leaks.

    I think the fire engine yellow would be a good choice for a mountaintop wildflower meadow, roadside vegetable garden and cozy cabin construction site. It would be colorful enough to not get lost in the exhuberant green growth of spring, yet still blend well with the dominant yellow flowers of spring. The added bonus of a really long, the longest they make, yellow rubber hose, is that I would not get confused and try to plug the skill saw into it.

  3. ‘Because I’m worth it’ – My first impression was Wow! I love it, but then again I would not like to have a bright coloured hose I really want a hose that disappears among the plant a camoflauge coloured one 🙂 Sorry / LOL Tyra

  4. It’s surprising how important a hose is to a home. We have one pathetic hose that I bought about 8 years ago at Wal-mart. It has burst several times and my husband has repaired it, resulting in it being much shorter than it was when purchased. The connections have been replaced as well. You’d think I love the thing the way we care for it and repair it. But it is awful, always kinking, just very poor quality.

    Still, it is used daily through 3 seasons. I use it in the garden. My husband uses it to wash cars. And the kids, the kids use it most of all. It fills the inflatable kiddie pool and water guns. It attaches to the slip and slide. It makes puddles to float boats. I could probably fill pages for all the uses my boys find for the hose.

    Sure, I’d love to replace our kinky old hose, but there is always something else that needs replacing more. If I were chosen to win the hose, I would choose purple and I would buy one of those nice hose coil pots as a home for it. I would love it and cherish it and repair it much more than I have the hose I hate.

  5. Let me tell you, the way I cram ALL sorts of plants, colors, whimsy stuff (including about 50 bowling balls) into my garden, A DAY GLO ORANGE HOSE WOULD FIT RIGHT IN and say,

    “Oh thank you for finally finding me the right home as I feel so comfy here amongst all these colorful plants, and I promise I will FOREVER work very hard watering these psychedelic plants ALL throughout the year, especially in the summer when the dreaded droughts come. Just lay me out all along the garden paths and feed me water so I can ravenously increase your outrageous water bill!”


    “No, mister hose, please do not do that, but please come to my garden in Tennessee and help me water my one acre garden-I really need your outstanding colors and my other hoses will not feel so out of place with your colorful self in the garden……”

    thanks for your time:)

  6. I am a color junkie. I teach a course (which I designed) on Color in Narrative Cinema, which looks at how color is used in symbolic ways. Red is about sex, pink is about romance, pale blue is innocence, green can be about alienation, decay or nurturing, depending on color or context. Purple is death, or royalty, or maybe the occult. Hey, you flower nuts must know all this already.

    When I teach this class, I use a weekly format, starting with Red, going through Violet, and then addressing less obvious colors like silver and gold. I dress the part, folks. Students are given one creative project they can go wild on, as long as it has to do with color and cinema, and last time I taught this, one of them created plant-based perfumes based on different scenes and moods in a film. Each perfume was a different color, water with flowers and leaves stuffed in glass bottles. It went rancid in several days but was beautiful!

    I’m emotionally connected to color like few people are, its not only an area of academic expertise but a personal obsession. My garden design is always reflective of my current color preferences. The only colors I do not enjoy? Bright red and yellow together; too fast-foody. Yellow goes with blues and purples and oranges. red is only acceptable if it has a tinge of blue: pinks, burgundies, scarlets. Mmmmmm…pink. A pink hose for me!

    I had a lavender colored hose in my Boston garden, given to me by a friend for whom this color denoted, among other things, perhaps, a gleeful reference to his chosen lifestyle. I loved this hose but it sprung a big leak and I had to get rid of it. I miss it. The color made me smile every time I used it. So it seems necessary for me to have a colorful hose in my life. A lavender hose for me!

    Oh, and I am a naturally clumsy person and perhaps if I have a brightly colored hose, I won’t continue tripping over the dull plastic rubber one I have now. A hunter’s orange hose for me!

    Aw, heck, anything but green. It’s my favorite color but I need something that doesn’t blend in too much. Cuz of the tripping and falling. Seriously.

    Thank you for your consideration.

  7. Some hoses are used to water delicate roses in new light of morning.

    Others have the privilage of watering fruits and vegetables that will nourish a family.

    Hoses that are used with sprinklers to cool young ones in the heat of a summertime afternoon are especially fortunate.

    A hose never knows where it will reside or what profound roll it might fill.

    The hose that is lucky enough to come to my house has the great honor of…

    Being used for the uniquely important task of…

    Giving my camel a bath!

    Seriously…do you think a whimpy hose could withstand the ire of a wet camel??????

    Only cool, strong, supple hoses need apply for THIS job!

    BTW, I’m apologizing to the hose ahead of time…and to think you could have been lying with roses, sorry!

  8. Is this where I get to make you cry as a result of my pleas for a new hose? Is this where I get to tell you all (The Royal Y’all) how Wolfdancer Creek was such a neglected parcel of Paradise, and how much sweat and blood equity all the humans involved here have put into this place, and how –because of the 18 years of “previous occupant neglect”– having cheap green hoses are like having a set of cheap hand pruners and 4 acres of over-grown apple trees to recover? And how the Previous and Recently Ex-Husband mowed all the GOOD hoses into new road rubber before he abandoned me one 1 am o’dark hundred o’clock near our 10th Anniversary with a note on the desk that said “Sorry Hon, Country Life Ain’t For Me”??

    Me lusts for the Tangerine Hose Unit. It would not be lost in the now-nearly-controlled Front Garden Area. It would not be Mowed Under. Me likes Dramm.


  9. I can’t resist weighing in. I want garden TOOLS to be red or orange and garden HOSES (the losing of which is not a problem) to blend in as much as possible. Even the green ones are too noticeable for my taste.

    So I totally don’t get this concept.

  10. I’d love a bright new hose so that I don’t have to waste what little gardening time I get, to go inside and get a sippy cup.


    Thankfully, he didn’t mind drinking out of the old leaky hose this year, but next summer he’ll be older and might be more discriminating. More importantly, whenever I have to run across the yard to undo a kink, it puts my veggies at risk of attack…


    While I’m more than happy to share my veggies, I just wish I was able to carefully pick him a tasty tomato while taking a break from watering with my new blue hose, instead of returning from unkinking my current hose to find trampled plants and tomatos with tiny finger holes in the unselected fruits.

  11. Hoses

    I fear that I shall never own
    A hose as lovely as that one.

    A hose whose thisty mouth is prest
    Leak-free unto my spigot’s breast;

    A hose that I can stretch and wend,
    And waters only at one end.

    A hose that may in Summer freshen
    Genovese basil, tangy mesclun.

    Unto whose coils ills befall;
    Yet registereth not at all.

    Poems are made by fools like me,
    In a nutty attempt at a hose that’s free.

  12. As I suffer from two forms of UV allergy, I am the wacky neighbor who gardens after dark. I pull weeds by flashlight. I have gone so far as to spraypaint my sprinklers bright colors so that I can find them in the dark amidst the foliage of tomato plants gone jungle. Unfortunately, hoses seem to (until now) come in two distressing shades- blends in with everything else green, and hides even better in the darkness black. It’s bad enough that when I have to take the sprayer off I can never find it again (black rubber spray part and metal stem which will-not-hold-spraypaint!) but traipsing all about the yard attempting to find where the hose got moved to this time becomes tiresome (and often quite chilly!). With the addition of chickens in the near future, I forsee even more crazy hose escapades, and man oh day would I love to be able to spot the hose easily and fast.

    While my usual color choices for clothing and decor tend towards the dark and rich, there is something about lavender which is soothing and yet still melds with my color loves (black irises, deep burgandy blossoms of all sorts, and a smattering of carnivorous plants). Theme and variation, no?

  13. Did someone offer sturdy and colorful hoes for the garden? I just love garden hoes… to weed, to cultivate, to just lean on while gazing fondly at the flowers. You can never have too many hoes.

    Oh, wait, you meant “hose”, as in watering hose? Oh, I don’t have such a relationship with that kind of hose. All have failed me in some manner. We barely get along, they with their leaks and kinks. You just can’t trust them! But if I did find one I could trust, it would have to be green.

    I’m a traditionalist, after all.

  14. In January, I will be seeking to be become a Certified Master Gardener, but I’m already a Certified (Certifiable?) Master Klutz.

    Our property is dark of a purpose–my husband and I are astronomy nuts (as well as nuts about gardening) and decry the encroachment of light pollution. When we go out at night, we don’t want to see floodlights, we want to see the moon, the stars, the soft light of Venus making flowers and plants glow, the deer calmly munching the new growth on the grape vines (this last? Not so much.). This causes some problems with my aforementioned klutziness. To put it bluntly, I trip over things–rocks, bent-over Foxgloves, wild bunnies, in short, anything that holds still long enough to be tripped over. Our hose is my particular nemesis. A cheap, nasty, kink-filled object, it has now faded to a color that blends (at night and to my less than perfectly visioned eyes) into the walkway, gravel, wild bunnies…well. You get the idea, I’m sure.

    I admit that I’m torn; the blue hose is as beautiful as our skies (so rarely in Western Washington) are. It’s as blue as our bed of lithodora in bloom; the sort of blue, in fact, that makes your heart ache a little. On the other hand, the yellow might be safer.

    Why must life be filled with hard choices?

  15. Julliette :
    What’s in a color ? that which we call a hose.
    By any other color would kink just as much;
    So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call’d,
    Retain that dear perfection which he owes
    Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
    And for that name which is no part of thee
    Take all myself and give me a tangerine hose.

  16. I am the proud owner of two (2) — count them if your don’t believe me — new hoses, each 50 feet in length. A brand which claims to be The Best Hose in Existence, bar none. These hoses will never trip you up, leak on your good shoes in which you should not be out in the garden anyway, kink way way way back at the source so that you have to throw the hose down in a rage and work your way back to find the blasted knot, require new washers which will not fit and which will result in bigger and better leaks, nor will they suddenly become soaker hoses in order to soak your new silk and linen pale pink trousers. I don’t know why they won’t do all these things although I suspect it’s because they are a subdued and discreet grey-green and not the lavender for which I lust.

  17. Ode to a Red Hose:

    Red Hose, Red Hose
    So much better than our blue hose.

    With kinks and twists and leaky bits
    It drives us to tantrums
    Even fits!

    Red Hose, Red Hose
    So much better than our blue hose.

    Our faithful blue has let us down
    When tangled it drags our plants to the ground!

    Red Hose, Red Hose
    So much better than our blue hose.

    That nasty blue has been untrue
    So please believe that we’d love you!

    Red Hose, Red Hose
    So much better than our blue hose.

    Your fiery red would give all a rush
    Lying amidst The Jungle so green and lush.

    Red Hose, Red Hose
    This final plea to thee

    Come home with us
    Don’t make us fuss
    ‘Cause we ain’t that good at poetry!

    *written with a heavy heart at the passing of the useful stage of our beloved blue hose which will now go into retirement as part of our rain barrel collection system. You’ve been a good hose but now your time has passed. Farewell friend blue hose. Farewell…

  18. So, what do you ranters think of Flexogen hoses? They’re green, but they aren’t super cheaply priced…but I’m not totally thrilled with them. The only leak I’ve had is from the oldest one (over 10 years) and I think I damaged the connector.

    Amy, if you’ve had Flexogen, can you share your thoughts on the comparison with your lovely new Dramm? I love the colors, but not the price…but like the others have said, I suppose that “I’m worth it.”

  19. Old green hose, long given to me
    Soft and supple and so, so fine
    It has served me well
    up until this time.
    Now it’s leaky, stiff, and dirty
    quite a sight to see
    laying on the ground so…innocently
    It begs to be cut,
    turned into a soaker
    but if I do that
    th’ rest ‘o the garden would choke(r)
    so as I work in my garden
    and plant and dig ‘way
    I use my watering can
    To keep drought away
    But– what’s this??
    A hose that is new—!
    What a concept!
    What luck!
    What’ll bring this hose to my yard?
    Garden Rant pluck!
    On a day with such change
    In the air it’s not hard
    To believe both things could be true:
    A new hose and…is that YOU?
    Mr. Obama, our PREZ!, in the nick of our time
    I will water with BLISS next summertime
    Thinking of our leader,
    both inspiring and kind
    (And to borrow a line…)
    With the best Dramm hose in the gardening line!

  20. I also wish I could find a hose that just blends in. Haven’t found one yet. It’s quite frustrating. If I could at least find one that matches the color of my house, that would be something, but that’s probably not going to happen.

  21. My current hose is one of those cheap, nasty hoses that make all gardeners cry. It came with my house, and I’ve always meant to replace it, but it’s never quite made it to the top of my list (I always end up buying new plants instead!).

    The main problem with it is that it has caused my cat to go insane.

    I almost always water my plants deeply, turning on the hose to low and leaving the water to trickle out on my plants. I move it around the garden while I work on other tasks, both inside and outside the house.

    How does this effect my cat you ask? Good question. She is an indoor cat who never goes outside. She’s 13 years old, and is the prettiest, sweetest cat around. Except for when the hose tries to gaslight her.

    When I move the cheap, nasty hose around, it OFTEN gets kinked up without my notice since I have it on so low. Unfortunately, this causes the backflow preventer on the spigot (a valve that prevents the water from flowing from the outside back into the water supply) to vibrate. Loudly. And that causes the cat, inside the house, to lose her tiny little mind.

    She sneaks up on the inside wall, where the spigot is located, and tries to pounce on it — she jumps and spits and claws and hisses. Only there’s nothing there for her to kill! So she slowly circles around behind the TV to approach it from the other direction, again growling at it — and still she finds nothing. Then she gets frantic, running around and crying and attacking the wall. Can you imagine anything more frustrating than having the super-tuned hunting instincts of a cat, only to repeatedly find that the thing you are after isn’t there? It’s the most pathetic, heartbreaking thing I’ve ever seen.

    The worst part is that even when the hose is off, she’ll stare at the wall, as if she is expecting something to happen at any moment and wants to be prepared.

    Please, for the sake of what’s left of my cat’s tiny brain, and her sweet little heart, and her cute little nose, and her tiny little claws, pick me as the recipient of a new hose, before it’s too late and she goes completely off her rocker!

  22. I recently married the Hose of My Dreams after 25 years with a Slow and Annoying Leaker…no, wait, that’s a different story…I recently retired from Zone 3 in Potsdam NY to Zone 6 in western North Carolina. Last Tuesday, I planted pansies, it was orgasmic (oops, I’m straying off topic again…). After thirty years of staring at the seed catalogs immediately after clearing away Christmas dinner, spending January sitting next to Amaryllis, paper whites and an average Merlot, carrying gallon milk jugs of boiling water to my cold frame in the last days of May, I am living and pruning and planting in Zone 6. During my Monday trip to the nursery, I bought hellebores and mountain laurel and three kinds of rhododendron (I really had just gone for pansies….). I would like a colorful hose with which to eternally celebrate and commiserate with all of my Zone friends. I know snow in July. Like Scarlett, I raise my fist to the heavens and swear I will never again be surrounded by three feet of the white stuff in April. But lest I forget the travail of my fellow gardeners, let there be a coil of color at my feet, the Hose of All Our Dreams.

  23. Passers-by on their morning or evening walks find me outside in my no-lawn, mostly native, drought tolerant garden. Most of them stop, giving me the opportunity to squeeze in a discussion on the benefits of saving water in the thirsty west. There I stand, with my outstretched hose and adjustable watering wand, evangelizing on sustainable gardening and good gardening tools. Perhaps I could seal the deal to convert one more soul to gardening by holding up my bright orange or red hose and exclaiming, “Not only is it a tool, it’s an accessory! But wait; there’s more!”

  24. Passers-by on their morning or evening walks find me outside in my no-lawn, mostly native, drought tolerant garden. Most of them stop, giving me the opportunity to squeeze in a discussion on the benefits of saving water in the thirsty west. There I stand, with my outstretched hose and adjustable watering wand, evangelizing on sustainable gardening and good gardening tools. Perhaps I could seal the deal to convert one more soul to gardening by holding up my bright orange or red hose and exclaiming, “Not only is it a tool, it’s an accessory! But wait; there’s more!”

  25. On review of the rest
    Our poem’s not the best.

    Although, in our mind
    It’s pretty Dramm fine.
    (like the product placement in the poem?? come on… it’s good right??)

    Would begging help?? How about bribery?? Can you be bought with home preserves and tomato sauces??

  26. Because I have the courage to have an Easter Egg Lavendar house which should be accessorized by an equally colorful hose.

  27. Water in a hose like food on a plate.

    When you serve food, you make the plate look good.
    Now, water your plants in the same way. Serve ’em somethin’ colorful.

  28. So many repsonses over a garden hose!!!

    We sell these DRAMM products at our store and they are winners. The colors sell very well and all their product is top quality.

    The (Water color) TROLL

  29. Oh I need a yellow hose!
    A yellow hose would free me
    From searching through the Chasmanthe high
    For green hose, I can’t see thee!
    Yellow yes! Or orange in fact.
    Maybe even purple!
    Anything to clash with green..
    Like peas and maple syruple.

  30. Congrats, Donna, on your good fortune and your good taste!! After all the odes, though, ’tis still a white hose for me, so I can steal a sip of water without the lead. Heed these words, o friends with youngsters!!

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