In the age of Google, gardening businesses, like all businesses, want to know what search terms people are using to find the stuff they sell. They’re told, “To reach out to your niche audience, you would probably be interested to know which keywords containing the term ‘Gardening’ do most users search for on Google.” Okay, I’ll bite.
But no guarantee I’ll swallow.
- #1 is “Where is the garden of Eden?” Seriously? Oh yeah, coz #8 is “Where was the Garden of Eden? (Answered here.)
- # 2 is “When does the Olive Garden close?
The other key words they recommend are: tomatoes, fairy garden, cats in garden, pumpkins, starting a garden, and four mentions of “raised beds.”
Next, they regurgitate the most used search terms with “garden” (how is that different?) and it gets worse.
- #1, 4, 12, 51, 65-66, 93 and 131, 160, 180, 244, 253, 301 involve Olive Garden, with “Olive Garden near me” having more searches than “garden stores near me.”
- Madison Square Garden also does well in “garden” searches.
- There’s kinder garden, Busch Gardens and of course the Garden of Eden.
None of which actually relate to gardening. Not until #150 on the list do we see the term “garden plants.”
Google Alert for “Garden Rant”
Moving on. Like everyone who’s online, I have a Google alert for my blogs and websites, including this one.
I can tell you it’s pretty ego-deflating to see how infrequently people mention this blog, versus the preponderance of “garden rants” about something other than actual gardens. Here’s what I’m alerted to:
- People like Kanye West rant from the stage at Madison Square Garden; others rant about it.
- Olive Garden again! Apparently there’s lots to rant about there.
- In 2017 I started hearing Rose Garden rants, like this one taken on by Bill Maher and this one mocked by Alec Baldwin.
And you might have missed the hot news item about actress Mischa Barton’s “garden rant” with a neighbor. Apparently she was experiencing “a complete hallucination” when she started ranting at neighbors over her garden fence.
Of all the “garden rants” sent to me by Google, my favorite is about a curse-laden one by Jim Hagedorn, the notorious CEO of Scotts Miracle Gro (curse-laden being his usual way of speaking). Yahoo Finance reported that he “bluntly laid out his take on the company’s cannabis-growing business during a curse-laden rant on a conference call.”
Which gives me the welcome opportunity to link again to my scathing take-down of Hagedorn, a rant I barely managed to keep curse-free.